Growing up, I’ve always pictured going away to college would be glamorous, fun, and freedom filled. I always looked at everyone in the hood around me wondering why they haven’t done it yet and always wondered why I would be the first one to actually go off to college. I mean, in my head, college was the dream. This would be my ticket out of the hood, a stepping stone to my independence, a way to make big money without selling drugs like everyone else around me, and I just knew I would find an educated man that believes in love and has a mind like myself… and I did.
My ambition was always too much for where I stayed. People always called me baby Einstein and told me how I was a genius. Moving around from school to school because many didnt challenge me, I was never able to make and keep any friends so when I wasn’t running around the hood acting up with my neighborhood friends, I’d go in the house and study and research to understand everything I was learning because I wanted to learn more. I always surprised my teachers by answering questions right that they expected no one to know. My thirst for knowledge brought me many straight A report cards and I breezed through education and I still am while being in college and studying electrical engineering.
Now.. how does a girl like me: a girl that was born from a mom that was only 14 years old when she had me, no father besides a god father that was there for me when he wanted to be, bullied, abused at home, and no money for college… survive? The answer is GOD and love for myself. My relationship with God growing up was always rocky. I went through a phase when I did not believe in him and I let everyone know I did not believe in him. No one ever fought me on it besides my mom because she knew I was a good girl but I just felt like how is there any God when I was going through Hell. The fact that I had no family to love me, no father but being abused by my god father, people calling me ugly and telling me that I wasn’t good enough when all I ever wanted to do was to make people happy and to be happy myself.
Being the only child, I was able to have a lot of time to myself growing up and I hardly saw my mother being that she went to work before I got home from school and didn’t get off until I was well asleep preparing for my next day of school. . So even after the home training I received, I was still able to make my own choices and I did not have no one telling to do the right thing. I just lived my life like I thought God wanted me to because after all the fussing and fighting with him I still thought about him everyday and talked to him every chance I got and soon enough God won my heart and took the place of what any possible human being could do for me so I could care less of what others thought of me or I could care less about finding love in the wrong places because I found it with God and by finding it with him, I found it with myself and that was the best decision that I could have ever made in my life and being only 19 years of age I am proud and not afraid to admit it because by finding love with God and myself kept me away from a lot of things that have been thrown my way multiple times that would have disrupted my future, ruined my reputation, and ruined my chances at ever being the strong individual that I am today.
SAYING THAT… I have talked too much already lol If you love this first writing then I suggest you stay tuned to the rest of the blogs that I write. I am not perfect.. and no one is, so I would love to share my story with you guys and let you enter into my life. We all have stories and I just want mine known before I die so that I could possibly change someones life before I go.
Love You Guys!! Thanks for reading… Muahhh!!
Written by: Shalaya Crummie
January 5, 2014