Trying to write a blog is so hard. I have written atleast twenty unpublished ones that are sitting in my email right now. Each one consists of bad days, good days, and specific problems I have encountered throughout the past six months since January. Since I touched people with my last blog, I’ve decided to follow up and kind of sum up everything in my life and all of my life lessons… There are a lot.
Within these past months I’ve learned the values of discretion, honesty, loyalty, respect, being non judgemental, and also learning how to just be there for people because sometimes you can not help people, you can only just be an open ear. I say this because no matter if it is your brother, cousin, sister, best friend, mother, or lover that is having an issue that you want to solve, you can’t. Unless the problem deals with you and that person hands on then you can’t put your head in their situation because you will be diving into dangerous waters. That person your trying to protect or help has their own mind, own morals, principles, and ways to handle their problems. Just because they are confiding in us doesn’t mean that it becomes our problem, it just means they trust you enough to keep it to yourself and to console them through their situation. You can’t save them from an abusive situation, you can’t tell them to stay away from a lover, you shouldn’t tell them to quit their job because they are being treated like shit. They have their own mouth and two feet to do it themselves. When they ask for help you can jump. . But do not confuse consoling with a desperate cry for help because they will deny it later on when they are cursing you out for taking THEIR matters into YOUR hands.
Next, I’ve learned respect. I never knew this about myself, but I am a big respect person. I demand respect from any and everyone. I treat people with respect so I expect it back. Why do I want respect and think that it is important? Well, you can not get far in life and survive without it. Of course there are times when people dont deserve it, but they earn the right to not deserve it by their actions. Also, people can sense when you have respect for yourself. Being in a HBCU and living in DC, it’s nothing but disrespect floating around but it never hits me cause people can sense that I’m not going for it and I’m not. When you respect yourself then your family will respect you, your lover will respect you, also your friends and associates will too, trust me.
Next, I will talk about discretion, honesty, and loyalty all in a nutshell because they all intertwine together in my eyes. Growing up, my father always pushed me to be loyal and honest. For some reason I was honest with everyone but him. Why? I have no idea, but I started to shake it off after a while because when your older you don’t make the same mistakes as when you were younger. I push discretion (keeping your matters and problems to yourself) because sometimes you can slip and tell the wrong person the wrong things. Yes that is possible, but guess what? Once you tell the wrong person they will tell the world and you may or may not go around denying what they have said, but if you deny it and there is proof that what is being said about you is true, you will be known as a liar.. and that is a bad person to be known as. You should always be honest so what better way to be honest than keeping things that you would not want to lie about to yourself and being honest and loyal to yourself?
Now, I will talk about honesty and being non judgmental. With honesty comes many problems but it will definitely ward off fake individuals in put you in the bracket of the real. If you can’t be honest with a person then you shouldn’t want to be around them. If you cant be honest with someone they will be super offensive and its nothing wrong with that person but they can not accept your type of honesty so that means yall are not compatible people. There are different types of honesty though. There is a judgemental honesty and then there is an up-front about the person you are type of honesty. Being non judgmental is repeatedly written in the bible (which I have been reading) and for people who are not followers its just harsh. Who wants to be around someone calling you fat, black, too light, too skinny, ugly, stinky, a bad person, and all that other ish. If you have something bad to say just hold it in because you never know if your the tenth person to tell someone something, if they are on edge about it, or if you are hurting their feelings. Be nice about it because if you are saying these things you guys must be close. Take them jogging with you, invite them over for salads, suggest a good barber or hair stylists, tell them the brands you use that work for you. They will get better that way and you will be helping instead of hurting. Lastly about this subject, you should not pretend to be anyone other than yourself because you will have to keep up the charade and that will get tiring. Be honest and up-front about who you are and I promise that you will be a happier person and find someone and friends who love you for being yourself.
OKAYYYYY I have written enough now and I know you all are tired of me. I have been through so much though so there will be more to come. If any if you have requests just ask and if you have a question don’t be afraid to ask. I love you guys so much!! MUAHHHH!! Until next time!
By: Shalaya Crummie